I Would Be Good For You
by HPAlison
Summary: Remus Lupin is a man haunted by loss and self-hatred. Nymphadora Tonks is a burst of energy but also a young woman looking for more out of life. The story of how they met and fell in love.
1. Chapter 1

_*AN: Welcome to my attempt at tackling Lupin and Tonks' relationship. Lupin is my favorite character in Harry Potter and I wish we could have seen more of him and Tonks. This is going to be a very long story so I hope you'll all stick with me. The story will switch back and forth between Lupin and Tonks' points of view - it will be fairly random depending on whose point of view I think is best to tell that particular part of the plot._

_Of course, J.K. Rowling owns all things Harry Potter and I'm just having some fun with her characters._

_Lupin's POV_

_Bang!_

A loud thumping noise came from the hallway. I groaned, rolled over, and threw the pillow over my head. My neighbor was a clumsy drunk, regularly falling into walls as he stumbled back into his flat at night. If he was really soused, he might be trying to lure me into the hallway so he could taunt me again for wearing "dresses." I suppose it was my own fault for not changing into Muggle clothes for the short walk from the alley where I usually Apparated into my flat. I would probably tolerate his insults better if he at least had the intelligence to make them original.

_Bang!_

Listening more carefully to the noise this time, it did sound as though someone was banging on my door. Wonderful. Just when I was starting to drift off. Sleep was almost impossible when I went more than a day without food. Ironic considering that sleep was the only way to get relief from the growling, grumbling, achy emptiness in my stomach.

_Bang!_

"Go away!" I bellowed. Of course now all I'd done was let him know that I was at home.

_Bark!_

Immediately, I leapt up. I grabbed my dressing gown from the floor and shrugged it on as I ran to the front door. I flung the door open. A large black dog ran inside. His teeth were bared and all his fur was standing straight up. Instinctively, I backed away.

"What are you doing here?" I said in a harsh whisper. "What happened?"

Sirius switched back to his human form. His robes were torn and tattered. He was rail thin with long, tangled black hair. His eyes were wide and his hands were shaking, with fear or fury, I couldn't tell.

"He's back, Remus," Sirius said, gasping for breath. "Voldemort."

My knees had gone weak. I backed into the wall and leaned against it.

"Wh - When?" I stuttered. "How do you know?"

"Harry. He used Harry. At the Triwizard Tournament tonight."

My stomach lurched. "Harry? Is he all right?"

Sirius nodded hesitantly. "He's fine, mostly. In shock. The other Hogwarts boy...Diggory? He's dead."

"Dead? Cedric?" My legs really did give away now. I slid down against the wall and put my head between my knees. Cedric had been one of my favorites. Polite, funny, well-liked, a diligent student. I couldn't imagine any need to kill him. Then again, what need had Voldemort ever had to kill anyone?

Looking up again at Sirius, I took a deep breath. "Tell me everything." Sirius relayed all the information Harry had told him, stopping only when he got to Peter's role. My stomach twisted into knots. We had the chance to kill him last year. If we'd ignored Harry's request, none of this would have happened. Or if I hadn't forgotten to take the Wolfsbane potion. If I hadn't been so careless. Harry would be safe. Cedric would still be alive. Voldemort would still be in hiding.

"What do we do now?" I asked, with a croaking, hollow voice.

"Put the Order of the Phoenix back together. Dumbledore told me to alert Arabella, 'Dung, Dedalus, everyone we can think of." Sirius looked calmer now, focused on Dumbledore's task. "Get dressed. Let's go."

I shook my head and tried to gather my thoughts. "Wait. Wait." I held up my hands. "It's two in the morning Sirius. We can't go knocking at people's doors in the middle of the night."

"Why not? You answered, didn't you?"

"I nearly didn't! And how are we going to explain you?"

Sirius paced impatiently near the door with his arms folded. I couldn't tell if he was listening to me.

"Look," I said. "Let's figure out a plan so both of us don't end up getting arrested or killed. So they'll actually believe us. We can leave in a few hours. Just before dawn so we still have the cover of darkness."

Sirius reluctantly sat down and agreed to organize a plan of attack. Initially, I suggested it would be easier if Sirius remained in my flat and let me contact the former Order members. He vehemently disagreed, arguing that if the Order members refused to believe his story then they couldn't be trusted to believe Harry's story, and in his frustration rather tactlessly pointed out that several of the Order members didn't much like me either.

We agreed to contact Arabella Figg first. If she refused to believe us, there wasn't much she could do, at least not immediately. I hated exploiting her Squib status, but her powerlessness offered a safe test of whether people would be willing to listen to us. When we finished planning, we sat mostly in silence. I hadn't seen Sirius in months. I wanted to catch up with him, but both of us were too haunted by the events of the night and nervous about the future to do much other than stare at random spots on the wall.

At one point, Sirius asked, "Do you have any food around here, Remus? I'm starving."

"Join the club," I said bitterly. "I stole a hard boiled egg out of somebody's lunch sack yesterday morning. I haven't eaten anything since then. I was hoping you might have something." I refused to resort to stealing unless I was absolutely desperate. Unfortunately, I reached my desperation point two weeks earlier when I spent my last galleons on my rent and the Wolfsbane potion. My hunger had reached the point where I was stealing food almost without hesitation.

"I should have summoned something from the kitchens at Hogwarts," Sirius grumbled.

At four in the morning, we finally left. We Apparated directly from my flat into Arabella's back garden. A large cat stood in between us and the gate, crouched and hissing. Sirius laughed under his breath. "I forgot. Wasn't Arabella that nutter cat lady?" He transformed into a dog and lunged at the cat. It yowled and ran up a nearby tree.

"Siri - Padfoot!" I whispered harshly. I grabbed the scruff of his neck and dragged him toward the back gate. "You have been a dog for too long, man." A light switched on in the house and I could see Arabella shuffling down the hall through one of the windows. The back door slid open.

"Hello?" she called out groggily. A tabby cat was perched in her arms. "Who's there?"

"Hello, Arabella." I walked up to the porch. "It's me, Remus. I was just about to knock on your door."

"Now? It's middle of the night. Let an old lady sleep and come back when the sun's out." She turned to walk back into the house, but I caught her arm.

"Arabella. Please. It's important. We need to speak with you right now."

"We?"

"Yes, me and my - er - dog," I said, pointing at Sirius. He sat next to me and wagged his tail.

"All right," Arabella grumbled. "You can come in. But the dog stays outside!"

"What?! No, no, no. The dog has to come inside with me."

"Absolutely not," Arabella said pointing at Sirius. "I only woke up because I heard Mr. Tibbles crying. Your dog chased him away didn't he? He'll scare the rest of my kittens to death."

"Arabella, please. Let me bring the dog inside. I swear to you he'll leave your cats alone. He just had a moment of...temporary insanity." I glared at Sirius, who put his tail between his legs. Arabella looked as though she was going to protest further but I held up my hand. I clenched and unclenched my other hand trying not to let my impatience sound through my voice. "Arabella. Let us in. Dumbledore asked us to speak with you. Me and the dog."

Arabella relented, looking confused. She took a slipper off her foot and swatted at Sirius's head as he walked in. Served him right. I was tempted to kick him myself.

Sirius and I were hoping we could explain his innocence and Voldemort's return without wasting time by telling every detail of our story. Arabella was the first test. I sat on her overstuffed, purple and white flowered sofa. Sirius sat by the doorway, directly across from the armchair where Arabella. I purposely placed myself next to the coffee table on which the telephone sat.

"Arabella," I asked, looking at her intently. "Do you trust Dumbledore?" She nodded immediately. "And do you trust that Dumbledore would never send anyone to you unless he also trusted him?" Puzzled, she stared at me with her eyes narrowed and her eyebrows creased together. Slowly, she nodded again.

I tipped my head toward Sirius. "Go ahead," I said to him. I gripped my wand tightly just in case. Sirius transformed. Arabella screamed, leapt out of her chair and started to run out of the room until she realized that Sirius was blocking her way. She screamed again and ran toward the telephone. This was not going as well as we hoped. I pointed my wand at the telephone and it disappeared. Perhaps this wasn't the best plan.

I reached out to Arabella and grabbed her shoulders. "Arabella! Listen to me! Dumbledore sent Sirius here. He never betrayed James and Lily. It was Peter. We were all fooled!" Arabella was looking back and forth between me and Sirius wildly, panicked.

"Why are you telling me this? Why are you here?" she finally gasped. Her hand was clutched to her chest and she was shaking.

"Please, Arabella, sit down. Let us explain," Sirius said gently. Arabella stepped away from him, closer to me. I suppressed a smile. Things had to be bad for someone to want to be closer to a werewolf. Even Arabella, who'd faced a lifetime of discrimination as a Squib and who had done me many favors over the years, was usually a little wary around me.

Once she caught her breath and reluctantly looked Sirius in the eyes, he said, "Voldemort has returned. He rose again last night. And Dumbledore needs your help to stop him."

Arabella gasped as soon as Sirius mentioned Voldemort's name. Her hands grasped a locket around her neck. She snapped it open and stared at it, shaking her head slowly. I'd forgotten how Arabella had become a member of the Order last time. Her husband was a well-liked wizard. He was a regular columnist for The Daily Prophet and often criticized the wizarding community for its mistreatment of Squibs. Several Death Eaters burst into their home and killed him one night. Arabella survived only because she'd been visiting her sister for the week.

Calming herself, she asked him, "Are you sure? How do you know?"

Just like that, Sirius was now the least of Arabella's worries. We had her rapt attention. Arabella now believed our story without hesitation. We left her house an hour later with her full pledge of support. And best of all, Arabella noticed how the two of us demolished her bowl of Bertie Botts, happily swallowing even the iron and dust flavored beans and insisted on fixing us a huge breakfast of scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast and gave us a bag full of sandwiches on the way out..

"That went well," Sirius quipped, much happier now, midway through our adventure and with a full stomach.

"If by well you mean lucky to be alive..."


	2. Chapter 2

_Tonks POV_

Yelling at the office is never a good idea. At least not when you've barely qualified as an Auror and you've been called a loudmouth at every performance review. But my goals of self-control flew out the window the second Starla Crawley opened her big fat mouth.

"You think he made something like that up?!" I shrieked at the top of my lungs. We'd been arguing for over five minutes, and my voice kept getting louder and louder until it reached a crescendo.

As always, Starla was her smug self. She qualified as an Auror two years before I did. Her younger brother David was in my year. He applied for an Auror position and was not even accepted to the training programme. Starla felt that I'd stolen David's position and had done her best to make my life miserable from my first day of training. It drove her mad that I had the highest qualifying scores of any Auror candidate in twenty years. Well, except for Stealth. But really, what difference did it make if I was a klutz if I could stun anything that moved?

"Of course not, Nymphadora," Starla said with an overly sweet, condescending voice. She always called me by my first name since she knew how much it annoyed me. "I'll give him the benefit of the doubt, just like you do. The Diggory boy's death was a horrible accident. Terribly tragic for poor Potter to witness. He hit his head pretty hard. He probably had some hallucinations or nightmares when he was knocked out and believed them to be true. He was in shock. That's what the files say and I think it makes perfect sense."

"The files are wrong!" I shouted. Dawlish and Marley turned to stare at me from the other side of the break room. I took a deep breath and spoke in a lower voice, "Dumbledore has complete faith in Harry's story. Does that mean nothing to you?"

"Not really," she shrugged. She smirked when my expression grew even more outraged. "He's a thousand years old, Nymphadora," she laughed derisively. "He's losing it. And what's more? He's dangerous. Sending us on a wild goose chase for a dead psychopath when there's actual, living dark wizards on the loose. Like your dear cousin. Or would you rather we forget about poor Sirius so he can come over for Sunday dinner at your mum's house?"

_I will not respond. I will not take the bait. I will pretend she didn't mention his name._

"What about the World Cup? What about Moody?" I asked.

"Both of those were Crouch's kid. The dementors took care of him. Problem solved. Move on. As for Moody, there's a reason he retired. He was a great Auror twenty years ago, but now he's completely off his rocker."

That was the last straw. "You shut up about Moody!" I hissed. "He's ten times the wizard you or I will ever be! You know what, Crawley? I think you're scared. You're terrified that I'm right and you're wrong. That You-Know-Who is back, which means you're going to have to risk your neck to fight him instead of just sitting back and soaking in the glory of being an Auror for the next forty years. Fine with me. You just run back and cower under your desk. I'll be outside, actually helping!"

I stalked away from the break room back to my cube, sitting - but not cowering - at my desk. As much as Starla infuriated me, she wasn't actually a coward. And she was right. If we turned all our attention over to Lord Voldemort, other things would start to slip. Especially the search for Sirius Black.

I always referred to Sirius Black by his full name. I refused to think of him as my cousin. Sirius Black was an amorphous, evil person. Sirius, the boy who'd dared me to divebomb the dog on my broom when I was seven, who'd let me dress him up in my mother's jewelry and makeup when I was five didn't exist. Maybe he'd never existed.

I was taking deep breaths, trying to calm my pounding heart so I could actually get some work done when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Kingsley Shacklebolt walking down the aisle towards my cube. I snatched the nearest piece of parchment off my desk and pretended to read it. The sound of his footsteps stopped right behind me.

"A vampire, a werewolf, and a centaur walk into a bar?" Kingsley said. "I've heard that one." I turned and looked at him puzzled and then glanced back at the parchment. It was a list of jokes that my friend Todd sent me this morning. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

I opened my mouth to explain, but he waved a dismissive hand toward me. "I really don't care. Walk with me. I want a quick word." I had a sinking feeling that I was in for another lecture. I followed him into a small room at the end of the hall. He glanced around and shut the door. All the Aurors except for the head of the department worked at open cubicles which supposedly facilitated discussion and teamwork, but there were several offices we could use for confidential conversations.

The room was purely utilitarian. The walls were blank, and it was decorated only with a large round table and four chairs. There was a sound charm placed upon it preventing eavesdropping, so there was a slight buzzing noise as I walked in the door. I sat down on one of the hard chairs and immediately jumped up. Someone had left an unusually sharp quill and several pieces of parchment on the chair where I'd just sat. Why this kind of thing always seemed to happen to me I never understood. Feeling like flames were going to erupt from my face, I set the quill and parchment on the ground and sat back in the chair. I peered at Kingsley trying to steady my breath.

He usually had a very calming presence. The type of person who, if the world was falling apart around him, would carefully analyze the situation and come up with a solution, as though it was no more troubling than a challenging Arithmancy problem. Today, though, he looked very serious. Even a little nervous.

My mouth started to dry up. I could feel my hands sweating in my pockets. I wasn't sure why he'd been assigned to scold me. He wasn't my reporting superior. I'd only worked with him a few times. He was in charge of the search for Sirius Black. This couldn't be about Black, could it?

"I heard you had a row with Crawley a few minutes ago," he said.

I bit my lip and stared at the table. "Yes, I know. I'm sorry. I need to - "

"Control your temper? Yes, you do. But you're better than you were last year. At least only half the building could hear you." I nodded slightly, not sure whether that was meant to be a compliment or a scolding.

"I was wondering...What are you doing tonight?" Kingsley asked.

I looked up at him. "I'm sorry?"

"After work. This evening. Do you have plans?"

This conversation was definitely not going in the direction I expected. He couldn't possibly be asking me out. At least I really hoped not. Wasn't he married? He wasn't wearing a ring, but I could have sworn. And he had to be twenty years older than me.

"No," I answered slowly. "Why do you ask?"

"Mad-Eye wanted me to ask you to meet at his house at 7 PM. He needs help making sure that Crouch didn't leave any traps behind him. He's gone through everything already, but he wants your help making a final check."

"Oh. Okay." I didn't know what else to say. I didn't even realize that Kingsley and Mad-Eye were still in contact. They'd never appeared to be anything more than work colleagues. But at least he wasn't asking me out on a date.

"Good. Also, he wants you to consider this advanced training. Don't tell anyone where you're going and make sure no one's following you when you leave the office. Do you understand?" I nodded, smiling slightly. So like Mad-Eye to turn a simple meeting into a practice opportunity. "Get back to your desk. If anyone asks, I was asking you for an update on the Miller file."

The rest of the afternoon flew by in a mixture of confusion and anticipation. I walked out of the office just before 6 PM. I took the lift up to the fourth floor and then walked down a set of stairs to the third floor. I entered the stairwell with my typical five and a half foot, spiky pink hair look. I left four inches taller with long, straight ginger hair. I stood against the wall until everyone waiting for the lifts had left and caught a different lift to the main floor. I apparated to the front door of my flat and checked to make sure that no one was in the hall or on the stairs before walking inside. I quickly changed into a different set of robes, morphed into a five foot tall, curly black haired middle aged woman, and then apparated out of my flat from my bathroom, the only room without windows. I landed at my favorite beach in Dover, which thankfully was abandoned at the moment, and promptly tripped over a large rock. Lying on the ground coughing sand out of my mouth, I checked my watch. It was five minutes to 7. I brushed myself off as best I could, switched back into my normal appearance, and apparated to Mad-Eye's back gate.

He was standing at the gate waiting for me. Both of us had our wands raised. Three years of Auror training with Mad-Eye taught me to always be on my guard around him.

"When did Tonks manage to stun me in her Practical Defence course?" he demanded with a fierce glare.

"The twelfth day. Half past eleven in the morning."

Mad-Eye nodded proudly. "Earliest any trainee stunned me in twenty years."

I grinned, but didn't move my wand an inch. Dropping my smile, I quizzed him, "And what did Mad-Eye get me for my twentieth birthday?"

"Twenty bezoars, bloody useful things they are." That they were. At least I hadn't had to swallow one yet.

He opened the back gate and beckoned me inside. I threw my arms around him. I'd only seen him once since he'd returned from Hogwarts. He spent three hours telling me about his ordeal with Crouch in excruciating detail. He thought it was a prime example of the need for "constant vigilance." I'd been having nightmares about it ever since. Seeing him now made me feel a bit sick. He was still thin and looked ill.

"That's enough now," he said in a gruff but kind voice. He pulled away and started walking toward the house. "Nobody followed you?"

"I don't see how they could. I went to four different places and had three different looks. I haven't seen anyone since I left work."

"Good. Get inside and we'll go." Mad-Eye opened the back door to the house and stepped inside. I followed him, struggling to get the sand out of my hair as I walked. He looked bemused when a large clump of sand fell out of the hood of my cloak onto the kitchen floor.

"Go? I thought we were checking your house." I flicked my wand toward the sand clump and it disappeared.

"Nope. Kingsley just said that in case anyone was listening. We're going to a meeting. Here, put this on." He handed me a heavy bundle of silky fabric.

"An invisibility cloak? Why?" I wrapped the fabric around me and watched my arms and legs disappear.

"We don't want anyone to see you tonight. Now, no more questions. Don't talk at all until I tell you to. Grab my arm and we'll go."

We Apparated as soon as I touched his elbow. Mad-Eye's stealth game was strange, even for him. And he'd always said the more questions I asked, the better I'd know what I was walking into.

I was even more surprised when we Apparated just outside the gates of Hogwarts. Professor McGonagall was standing on the other side and opened the gates as soon as we touched ground. "Good evening, Alastor. Is she with you?" she asked quietly. I pushed my lips together so tightly that I could feel my teeth digging into my bottom lip to force myself to keep silent. Mad-Eye merely nodded and we walked quickly towards the castle.

The summer sun was still shining strong in the late evening. A few dozen kids were outside on the grounds enjoying the lazy last few days of term. Mad-Eye and McGonagall were careful not to speak to me or act as if I was there at all. McGonagall did however warn me to watch my step as we walked into the castle in a slight whisper. She apparently remembered me well.

McGonagall led Mad-Eye and me to a portion of the castle to which I'd never been. We stopped in front of a solid wall guarded by a large gargoyle. McGonagall whispered something at it and a hidden door opened to a winding staircase. Mad-Eye told me to take off the cloak and walk upstairs.

The first thing I saw when I reached the top of the stairs was Professor Dumbledore sitting in a large chair behind a desk. We must be in his office. It was hard to believe that after seven years of school, I'd never realized where it was. I looked around the sizable room covered with magical devices with open mouthed wonder. Tonight was already one of the strangest nights of my life and I was almost positive it was about to get even stranger.

"Hello, Nymphadora. It's been far too long," Dumbledore said, smiling broadly. "I hear you graduated Auror training last year. I offer my congratulations."

For the second time today, I was speechless. It seemed impossible that I was sitting in my cube a few hours earlier and I was now at my old school with my mentor, my transfiguration teacher, and my headmaster. Dumbledore watched me still calmly, not looking at all surprised that I was staring at him as if Confunded.

"Thank you, sir," I said finally in a shaky voice.

"You must be wondering why Alastor brought you here tonight." I nodded slowly. Dumbledore leaned forwards and looked me straight in the eye. "Alastor says that you've been defending my version of the event two weeks ago quite vociferously."

I wasn't sure how Mad-Eye knew that, but then again he seemed to know everything. I glanced at Mad-Eye and he ticked his head up, urging me to speak.

"Well, yes. Yes, sir. Mad-Eye told me everything that happened that night. It makes sense to me. The reconnaissance files from past several years indicate an increasing uptick in dark magic starting with Quirrell's attack on Harry Potter, to Sirius Black's escape two years ago-" I paused to clear my throat. "To Bertha Jorkins' disappearance last summer, up to Mad-Eye..." My voice petered out. I looked again at Mad-Eye. He was glaring at the ceiling with such fury that I wouldn't be surprised if bolts of lightning burst out of his eyes.

Continuing, I said, "It felt like something was getting ready to happen. But more important than what the files say, I trust Mad-Eye. And I trust you, sir."

Dumbledore smiled once again, but I noticed he was still watching me very carefully. I wondered whether he was employing legilimency. The idea made me slightly uncomfortable, but there was nothing that I wanted to hide from him. I also had a feeling that if I asked him about it, he'd admit freely to using legilimency.

As though he noticed my discomfort, Dumbledore broke eye contact, stood up, and walked casually to the front of his desk where he stopped and leaned against it a few feet in front of me. "Nymphadora, have you ever heard of the Order of the Phoenix?" It didn't sound familiar at all. I tried to sift through the accumulated knowledge in my head of all my school and training in ten seconds. Nothing at all came to mind. Feeling like I'd failed a test, I scowled and shook my head no.

"Not to worry. I assumed not." He chuckled at my audible sigh of relief. "I organized the Order of the Phoenix over twenty years ago as Lord Voldemort was gaining more and more power. Members of the Order worked to defeat Voldemort without the constraints and prejudices of the Ministry, of which I think you are becoming increasingly aware." He raised his eyebrows and looked at me with a brief twinkle in his eyes. "It was made up of a large number of people. A few grey-haired doddering biddies like me as well as many young men and women barely out of school, like your cousin Sirius." I blanched instinctively at his name and the reference to our relation. I noticed Dumbledore once again scrutinizing me closely.

"I reformed the Order two weeks ago when Harry Potter witnessed Lord Voldemort's return. The Minister has outdone even himself with his obstinate refusal to believe the truth right before his eyes. This means the Order is more important than ever before.

"As you might be gathering from my long winded introduction, Alastor brought you here tonight because he, as well as I, think that you would be a great asset to the Order. You are an intelligent, outgoing, energetic young woman, as well as an impressive dueler, so I'm told. As an Auror, you would be able to help the Order stay informed of the intelligence gathered by your department and you've been trained in reconnaissance missions. What say you, Miss Tonks? Will you help us defeat Lord Voldemort?"

I didn't even take a breath before bursting out, "Yes, absolutely. Whatever I can do. How do I join? Can I do it now?" I spoke so quickly that even I could barely understand myself. Dumbledore, Moody, and McGonagall all chuckled lightly.

Dumbledore quickly composed himself, retaining his familiar pleasant smile. "I appreciate the enthusiasm of your response. But before you sign on the proverbial dotted line, I want you to consider the gravity of your actions." His smile disappeared. For once, he actually looked his age.

He spoke again in a low, weary, almost regretful tone. "You are, correct me if I'm wrong, twenty two years old?" I nodded.

"That is..." He paused and looked down at the floor briefly. "Very young. By choosing to become an Auror, I already know you are willing to put yourself in harms way to protect the rest of us. But in all reality, if you do not join the Order and remain only an Auror, you will most likely have a long, satisfactory career and in eighty years dance the jitterbug at your great-grandson's wedding. If, however, you join the Order - " He hesitated and took a deep breath.

"Of those who joined the Order last time, nearly fifty percent lost their lives. And those of us who remain...none of us were left unscathed." My eyes glanced up at Mad-Eye's deeply scarred face. "It is very possible that if you join the Order, you will never marry, you will never have children, you may not even see twenty five years of age.

"I tell you this, Nymphadora, not to discourage you from joining. The work that we do is indescribably valuable. I think you'll also find it to be more challenging and satisfying than what you're doing in the auror office. But I cannot in good conscience ask you to make such a large commitment without considering the consequences.

"In fact, as your first assignment as a potential Order member, I'd like you to spend the rest of the night considering my request. You understand, I'm sure, that we cannot allow you to leave us with the highly sensitive information I've given you until you've made a decision. Fortunately, Minerva has kindly offered to let you sleep at her flat here at Hogwarts tonight. I will meet you there in the morning. If you choose not to join the Order, I will modify your memory so you have no recollection of this meeting. If you do choose to join, then we'll get to work.

"Will you promise me that you will think seriously about everything I've said tonight?"

My heart felt like it was in my throat after listening to Dumbledore's dire predictions. I swallowed deeply and started to speak, but my voice came out only in a squeak. Instead I simply nodded.

Dumbledore smiled, his face looking once again reassuring, and stood, holding out his hand for me to shake. "Then I bid you good night. I shall see you bright and early tomorrow morning."


	3. Chapter 3

_Tonks POV_

An hour later, I was sitting in a high backed chair in Professor McGonagall's dining room sipping a cup of tea watching her transfigure the couch in the sitting area into a large bed with a plaid blanket and two stiff pillows. I guessed the mattress would be very hard.

A brown and white Scottish terrier yipped gleefully in my lap. The professors' rooms were located on the fifth floor of the castle. The entrance was hidden behind a large painting of a stormy ocean that sprayed water at anyone who walked too close to it. Professor McGonagall's flat was at the end of a long twisty corridor. I was surprised at how small it was: only one tiny bedroom, a kitchen, bathroom, and sitting area. Even my flat was larger.

Anyone walking into the flat would instantly guess that it belonged to Professor McGonagall. The dining table and chairs were a plain dark wood. The sofa in the sitting room was dark green leather adorned with identically positioned red and green plaid pillows at either end. The entire was spotless. The books and knick-knacks stood at stiff shouldered attention. The only hint of chaos in the perfect order was the tiny, excitable dog, but even he instantly obeyed the Professor the second she gave him a command.

I settled onto the transfigured couch after Professor McGonagall went to bed. The mattress was just as rock-like as I expected. I might as well as have been lying on the floor. I climbed out of bed and crawled over to the wireless at the other side of the room. I didn't want to wake McGonagall, but I couldn't think with all this silence. I pointed my wand toward the door of McGonagall's bedroom and whispered a silencing spell. Now she wouldn't hear the radio even if I turned it up to full volume. I expected McGonagall would listen to classical music or Scottish reels, but instead the radio was tuned to a station that usually played sappy love tunes. I twisted the dial until I found my favourite station. They were playing a recording of a Broomstick Buzzards concert I'd attended last year.

The harsh, almost screaming, voice of the lead singer and the loud guitars were oddly calming. I grabbed the pillows and blanket from the bed and lay on the floor in front of the wireless. I lit my wand and doodled random shapes on the ceiling while replaying Dumbledore's words in my head.

I wanted to join the Order. I had no doubt about that. I supposed I wanted to get married and have kids someday, but it felt like a foreign concept. Theoretical. Besides, there must have been people in the Order who were married and had kids. Like Lily and James Potter. Although since they died when their son was only a year old, they were probably not the best example.

It was hard to believe that the Potters were younger than I was now when they died. Only twenty one. Whenever I pictured them in my head, they seemed so old. If they were still alive, they'd be thirty five. An age that didn't sound nearly as old as it used to.

Regardless, my future had changed shape the moment I walked into Dumbledore's office tonight. I wanted to live to be one hundred years old and dance the jitterbug - whatever that was - at my great-grandson's wedding. I wanted a hundred years of friends, family, fun, music, laughter, and everything else that made life worth living. But I could not imagine being able to look myself in the eye if I was not willing to fight You-Know-You now.

Dumbledore arrived at the flat just after dawn the next morning. McGonagall, who was wearing a plaid dressing gown, her hair pulled back into the same strict bun she wore every day, set a pot of tea on the dining table. "Good morning, Nymphadora," he said as he buttered a toasted crumpet. "Did you sleep well last night?" He glanced at me with a mischievous glint in his eye.

As though he'd cast a spell, I immediately yawned widely. "Er - no, not really," I managed to eek out.

"I rather thought not. Did you have enough time to reflect on our conversation?"

I sat up straight in my chair. "Yes, sir, I did. My answer is the same. I want to join the Order of the Phoenix. I want to see You-Kn- Voldemort defeated." I leaned forward and looked him in the eyes. I wanted him to understand how seriously I'd thought about this. "I'm willing to die for this. I don't want to, but I don't want to live a hundred years or raise a family in a world where you have to constantly be looking behind your back, suspecting your neighbors, dreading that today might be the day the Death Eaters come for you."

Dumbledore nodded solemnly. "Thank you. I am grateful for your help. And your sacrifice. There's a meeting this afternoon at three. We will give you more information about the knowledge we've gathered and put you straight to work. You can go back to your home now, but meet Kingsley at his house at half past two and he'll bring you to the meeting."

Kingsley and I left his house twenty minutes early for the meeting. When I arrived at his home, I was a nervous ball of energy. I somehow managed to knock the windchime off its hook when I was ringing the doorbell. Then my elbow smacked into a vase of flowers in the entry hall, sending it crashing to the ground. Kingsley wasn't angry, but he did seem eager to get me away from his house before I broke anything else.

"There won't be many people at the meeting today," Kingsley remarked, "It's mostly to get you up speed and to...explain a few things."

We apparated next to a three story brick building. We were standing in between two small cars shaded by a metal awning. The air was noticeably cooler than it had been at Kingsley's. I guessed we were somewhere in northern England.

I followed Kingsley as he walked towards a side door and opened it. We walked down a set of creaky stairs into a dingy hallway with dim, flickering electric lights hanging from the ceiling. There were two equally spaced doors marked 1B and 2B. We must be in a Muggle apartment building. Kingsley whispered something into the door to 2B and tapped the doorknob with his wand. The door opened and we stepped inside.

The front room of the flat was very small. I could only see one window and it was so high that it hardly let any light inside. The room was surprisingly bright though with lamps glowing from shelves on each wall. The only furniture was two chairs and a small table which was covered in books. Actually, much of the floor was littered with haphazard stacks of books. I picked up one that was splayed open, upside down at the top of one of the stacks: Happy and Healthy Hippogriffs: A Caregiver's Guide. Clearly a wizard lived here.

A voice called from the next room, "Mad-Eye, is that you?" My head jerked up. The voice sounded familiar but I couldn't place it. A door swung open and a man walked into the room.

The floor felt like it had disappeared from under me. My heart started racing. The long haired, thin, slightly disheveled man looked very different than I remembered but there was no doubt in my mind that I was standing three feet away from Sirius Black. I stood there frozen, staring at him slack-jawed. He looked back at me with an odd expression, as though he wanted to say something but couldn't. A second later, another man walked through the door. He glanced at Kingsley and me and back at Black anxiously. He raised his wand, but before he could do anything I snapped.

Without saying a word and just barely lifting my wand, I shot stunning spells at both of the men. They flew backwards and crumpled against the wall. I stared at my wand and back at the spot where they lay feeling like I was standing outside my body, like this wasn't real.

I spun around to face Kingsley. To my surprise, Moody was right behind him. He'd just walked in the door. I expected one of them to run forwards and take Black, and maybe the other man, into custody. Kingsley was, after all, in charge of the search for Sirius Black. Instead, both looked surprised and rather amused.

"Well, that...did not go as planned," Kingsley said smiling wryly. "Sit down, Tonks. Like I said earlier, there are a few things I need to explain."


	4. Chapter 4

***It's taken me longer than expected to post this. Now that Jo has posted the incredibly wonderful biography of Lupin on Pottermore, this story is going to diverge quite a bit from Lupin canon (if you consider Pottermore canon, as I do). I'll stick to canon as much as possible, but I'm also going to go with the story of Lupin and Tonks' relationship as I envisioned it before Pottermore.**

_Lupin POV_

The first thing I noticed when I noticed when my eyes fluttered open was the start of a massive headache. The second thing I noticed was the corner of a book digging into my neck. I slowly pushed myself into a seated position. Sirius was next to me, starting to stand up. I was so confused that it didn't occur to me to panic over why we'd both been knocked to the ground.

Sirius pulled me to my feet. He was grinning from ear to ear. "See, Moony, I told you she'd still be angry about the toy broom I broke. I swear, Dora, it was an accident."

"What are you talking about?" I muttered as I closed my eyes and rubbed my forehead. I reached for my wand but the holster was empty. Neither was my wand on the floor where I'd fallen. Panic starting to set in, I frantically pawed the ground around me hoping that my wand was somewhere within reach. A voice from across the room cleared its throat. I looked up to see Moody waving four wands at me.

He strode over to me, but didn't give my wand back to me. "Figured you three would best be wandless for a bit. Make sure she doesn't kill you next time."

Everything came rushing back to me. We'd been waiting for Sirius's cousin's daughter to arrive. When someone came in the door, we assumed it was Moody, so Sirius didn't bother transforming into his animagus form. Could we have been any more idiotic?

I glanced back at Sirius. He had his hands on the girl's shoulders - I couldn't remember her name - and was talking to her quietly. She half looked like she'd been hit in the head, her eyes wide and amazed.

"When did you get here? I don't remember seeing you," I asked Moody.

"About fifteen minutes ago. Walked in just as she'd stunned you." We'd been lying on the ground unconscious for fifteen minutes? My eyebrows raised in surprise. Noticing my reaction, Moody remarked "Thought it was better to convince Tonks that Sirius wasn't actually a murderer and you weren't aiding and abetting his escape. Sure was something to see how she took both of you down. Didn't even blink." He chuckled at the memory. Part of me thought I'd laugh at this in a few days too, but at the moment, with my pounding head, it didn't seem all that funny.

"Stun first. Question later. Clearly you taught her well," I quipped. Moody beamed, oblivious to the sarcasm in my voice. Then again, what she did wasn't precisely wrong. If we really had been criminals, her reaction was textbook perfect. I was more embarrassed than angry.

A few moments later, Sirius and the girl walked over to me. I was leaning against the wall, holding a piece of ice I'd summoned from the kitchen against my head. I jumped up as they approached and dropped the ice to the floor.

"Remus, I'd like to introduce you to my little cousin, now that she's not trying to kill us," Sirius grinned. The girl blushed. "This is Nymphadora or Dora. And this is Remus Lupin."

"Tonks. It's Tonks. I go by my surname." She held out her hand. She winced slightly when she shook my hand, which was wet and freezing after holding a block of ice. "I'm really sorry about stunning both of you. I was shocked...I didn't even realize what I was doing. I should have stopped to think."

Most of my irritation disappeared as I stared at her with fascination. I remembered Sirius saying that she was a metamorphmagus. I'd never met one before. I wondered whether this was her "natural" look or whether she'd morphed herself in some way.

Tonks looked like she was in her early twenties. Sirius had thought she was seven or eight the last time he'd seen her so that made sense. She was about half a head shorter than me and had spiky, blinding neon pink hair. Presumably the pink hair was not natural, although there was an oft-teased girl a few years younger than me in school who was born with hair a sick shade of green. Tonks's face was a contrast to her bright hair. Her features were small and delicate, making her look vulnerable. Except for her eyes. Her eyes were kind, genuine, and fun, but also fierce and daring. Even though I'd barely met her, I sensed that, morphed or not, her eyes reflected who she really was.

Sirius cleared his throat behind me and I realized that Tonks was waiting for me to say something. I could feel my face flush slightly, but I pretended that the awkward silence had never happened. "No apologies necessary," I said, smiling. "It was our fault. We didn't think you'd arrive so soon, so we weren't prepared. Usually, I explain things first and then introduce Sirius."

"Well, you can blame me for that too. I think I broke half of Kingsley's house in the five minutes I was there and he figured we should leave before I finished off the rest." She grinned sheepishly. "Did you hit your head very hard? Should you lie down?" She put her hand up to the bump on my head where I'd been holding the ice. The warmth of her hand felt even better than the cold.

"I'm fine. Nothing more than a headache."

"You taught at Hogwarts a few years ago didn't you?" she asked. "I recognize your name. You're a - " I waited for the expression on her face to turn to horror as she connected my name and what I was to the man standing in front of her. But she continued to look open and friendly even though her cheeks turned a little pink. She evidently decided not to finish her sentence. "You taught my brother Robbie. He was a seventh year. He said you were one of the best teachers he'd ever had."

Now it was my turn to look embarrassed. "That was very kind of him to say. Robbie was a lot of fun to teach."

"You don't have to lie, Remus. Robbie was a mouthy brat and you were glad to be rid of him." I looked up at her surprised. She was grinning slyly, her eyes twinkling. I could definitely see the resemblance to her brother.

On my first day teaching, Robbie spread a thin layer of orange marmalade all over my desk chair. I caught it before I sat down thankfully. The attempted pranks continued throughout the year. Gluing my briefcase shut. Remotely launched water balloons. Whoopie cushions. To Robbie's great frustration, he didn't trick me a single time. It got old after awhile. More than anything, I was irritated that a seventh year kept pulling stunts that my friends and I had done when we were eleven. The Weasley twins, in contrast, came up with pranks so brilliant that I never failed to respect the chaos left in their wake.

"Well - er - if I'm going to be honest, I was chatting with Professor Flitwick in the staff room once complaining about Robbie. He told me that I should be happy his older sister had already graduated, because she was a thousand times worse." I winked at her.

She laughed. "I knew I'd left a mark. I heard Professor Binns still fades in and out anytime my name is mentioned." She raised her hand back up to my head. I was so shocked that she was willing to touch me despite knowing that I was a werewolf that I jumped back. Her brow furrowed with concern. "I'm really sorry. Are you sure you're feeling all right?"

"Y- Yes, thank you. I'll be perfectly fine in an hour or two." She looked doubtful. Sirius stepped in between us, put a hand on her shoulder, and led her towards one of the chairs in the center of the room. Kingsley was sitting in the other one.

When we'd all gathered in my pitiful sitting room, I turned to Tonks and said, "Let's get back to the reason you came here. Please forgive the lack of furniture. I don't have company very often." I pushed a stack of books together, transformed it into a long, cushioned bench, and sat down.

"This is your flat?" she asked.

I nodded and shrugged. "It's not the nicest place I've ever lived but it's better than sleeping outside. I expect I'll have to leave soon. The landlord is getting suspicious that I have a dog."

Sirius leaned back on the bench and smirked. "Woof," he mouthed.

We spent the next hour huddled together telling Tonks as much about the Order as we could and debating what she could help with first. Kingsley was planning to bring her into the Sirius Black search. He was a little concerned that Scrimgeour would balk at having a family member directly involved in the search for Black but hoped he could persuade him. It would help deflect any questions over why Kingsley and Tonks were suddenly spending more time together.

Kingsley and Moody left a little after five. Tonks stayed to talk to Sirius. She lobbed question after question at him. Everything from his escape from Azkaban to his experiences in the first Order to his memories of her mother. She was so energetic, so curious with her questions that Sirius couldn't resist answering everything she asked. Even things he'd refused to tell me.

Sirius was mostly a stranger to Tonks. After he ran away from his parents, he adopted himself into James' family. Andromeda was one of the few Blacks he still spoke to, but their contact was limited to Sunday dinner three or four times a year. Tonks only had a few memories of him, but apparently they left quite an impression. She and Sirius laughed hysterically as they told a disjointed story that made sense only to them. Something about chasing a dog with a broom or maybe they put the dog on the broom. I only followed half the conversation. Now that I wasn't distracted by the Order meeting, my headache returned in full force.

I glanced through a book on healing spells halfheartedly while they chatted. I was really thinking about whether I wanted to steal a few cans of soup from a Muggle supermarket or scrounge through the dumpsters behind the Italian restaurant down the street. Which was worse: guilt or humiliation? Bill Weasley thought he could access Sirius's vault at Gringott's without arousing much attention, but it would probably take a few more days. It was too bad Hermione's cat wasn't around. I was counting the minutes until I could afford to buy something, even if it meant relying on my friend's generosity.

"Oi, Moony. Dora - er - Tonks wanted to ask you something," Sirius said, jolting my attention away from my growling stomach. I looked up from the book I wasn't actually reading to see both of them turned towards me. I didn't think they still realized I was here.

"Hmm? Oh, sorry. Sure, ask away," I replied.

Tonks said nothing at first. She looked more timid than she had with Sirius. Blushing slightly, she stammered, "Well, it's just that - my brother mentioned that you were a...werewolf," she gulped the word out. "And I've never met anyone who was a - … I've always wondered - But I can understand that you might not like talking about it. I don't want to pry."

I bit back a smile. I'd only known Tonks for a few hours and already I guessed that she was the type of person who usually did not hesitate to pry. "Feel free to ask me whatever you'd like. I don't mind. On the contrary, I wish people would actually ask questions about werewolves rather than making their own assumptions."

It was like I turned a switch. Tonks' face shifted from nervous to eager. I could almost see her mind turning as she tried to decide which of a dozen questions she wanted to ask first.

"How did it happen? How old were you?"

At least that was an easy one, if not pleasant.

"When you were a kid, did anyone ever tell you that if you didn't behave a werewolf would sneak into your bedroom at night and bite you?" Looking a little puzzled, Tonks nodded. Sirius scoffed. "That's almost exactly what happened to me," I said. Ironically, my parents never said that to me when I was a kid, but I'd heard it a thousand times as an adult. One man, who must have been the world's worst parent, actually dragged his screaming toddler over to me in a shop and tried to get me to scare the boy out of his tantrum.

"I was four," I continued. "You've heard of Fenrir Greyback, I presume." Her face darkened knowingly. "My father worked for the Ministry. The Department for Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, ironically. Greyback was brought in after two Muggle children died. The Ministry quite rightly suspected him. My dad was the only person not convinced that he was a homeless Muggle who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He was sure that Greyback was a werewolf and made some…rather unfortunate comments to that effect. At any rate, the Ministry let Greyback go and Greyback decided to get revenge for the things my father said."

Tonks listened to me with rapt attention. She scooted her chair closer to me and leaned forward, watching me with a mixture of pity, horror, and curiosity. This wasn't a story I enjoyed telling, but something about her made me feel comfortable.

"The night before the next full moon, Greyback really did climb through my bedroom window and attacked me. Luckily, my dad woke up when I cried out and burst into the room before Greyback could kill me." Although whether it was lucky or unlucky that dad found me in time was a question I often debated.

Tonks's eyes were full of tears. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. She almost looked like she wanted to hug me, but surely that was my imagination. "Do you remember much of it?" she asked.

"Not a bit, actually. My parents always told me it was a tragic accident and I believed them. About fifteen years ago, Greyback tracked me down and told me most of it himself. Tried to convince me that he'd done me a favour," I spat out. "My mum told me the rest of the details after that."

Eager to move on, I asked "What else would you like to know?"

"After that, most of my questions sound pretty stupid, so..." Her voice faded away. I shrugged and gestured her to ask anyway. She took a deep breath. "I read a lot of contradictory things in school and Auror training about werewolves in their human state. Let's see...do you always have a sense of smell as good as a wolf's?

I laughed. What a different direction to go in. Tonks was startled briefly, but joined in once she realized I wasn't laughing _at_ her.

"I don't think so although I can't remember being any different. Of course, when Sirius goes long enough without a shower..."

Sirius growled in protest and tossed a book at my head. "Speak for yourself, wolfie."

"How about your eyesight?" Tonks continued.

"Nope. I just barely avoided having to wear glasses."

She was on a roll now. "Do you prefer raw meat?"

I wrinkled my nose and laughed more. "No. And I don't know anyone who does. I guess if I was going to choose, I'd prefer it to be rare, but honestly you could burn it for all I care. I'll eat anything that's put in front of me."

The questions came fast and furious. She even surprised me with a few stereotypes I hadn't heard before. Whoever wrote the werewolf chapter in the Auror training materials must have never met one. Either that or he was in a creative mood. Tonks seemed more at ease and even I was having fun. It brought back memories of James, Sirius, and later Lily (I purposely omitted Peter from my mind), some of the only people who ever seemed more intrigued than horrified upon discovering that I was a werewolf.

Tonks was almost out of breath by the time she got through her mental list of questions. Still, I noticed a gaping hole. The dragon in the room.

"You can ask, you know. I don't mind," I said, looking her in the eye.

"What do you mean?" she asked, a little too quickly. I smiled knowingly. Looking as awkward as she had at the beginning, she whispered "Have you ever bit anyone?"

That was what everyone really wanted to know. Whether they loved you or hated you.

Trying to keep my voice light, I said "I don't think so. I'm almost positive I haven't."

"But you don't know for sure?"

"Well...I don't remember ever biting anyone. Most of my memories of being in wolf form are pretty hazy, so I can't say for sure. But no one has ever reported that I bit them. And I just feel like I'd know."

"And on that note," Sirius said loudly. Tonks and I both jumped. "I'd like to bite into some dinner. You should get home, Dora. Remus may be too squeamish to scarf down a human, but I'm hungry enough to try."

Once Tonks left, Sirius dropped back onto the bench. "So mum," he grinned at me. "What's for dinner?" I pulled out my wand as I walked to the door and vanished the bench from underneath him so he slammed to the ground.

"What would you prefer?" I asked, halfway in the hall. "Dry dog food or wet?"


End file.
